HomeHow to De-Love
The Call of Serendipity :: Peace Peace :: "Because the needs of the one... outweigh the needs of the many." - Kirk, Star Trek
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How to De-Love
by Admin Sun Aug 07, 2016 12:27 pm
How to De-Love
So you've found yourself stuck on that dame that is oh so special and different and you just can't forget about? Don't worry my friend, for there IS hope. Recently scientists have been making a lot of strides in understanding the brain thanks to neuroscience and also just thanks to extensive research into the brain and how it reacts to certain stimuli, etc. Among the many things we've come to understand, the most telling is what we've found in regards to Love, the "strongest force" in human nature and the cause of mass obsession of each other. For the longest time humans have had to find the answers to this subject on their own, naturally, by trial and error. But now we've revealed some basic things that finally shed light on this maddening force, and bring sense to something that has escaped comprehensibility for the longest time. So what have we found out?
What scientists have found is that love is quite literally an addiction. In essence it is a chemical dependency. Earlier more infatuation based love involves 2 chemicals, but only 1 of these is really relevant to the goal of this "tutorial". Which is Dopamine, the strongest pleasure reward chemical in the brain. This chemical is the most used for "rewarding" particular behaviors, in order to further instill them. In the case of Love what happens is that the other person causes a lot of Dopamine release for many reasons(depends on each individual case). Interacting with this person is pleasurable for whatever reasons and the more you interact with them the more your brain wires itself to EXPECT a dopamine release from them. This is why when we deal with heart break and separation from this person, we seem to have a really bad time. Because we are denied the Dopamine release our brain is expecting. This results in what is recognizable as actual withdrawals just like with any other addiction. Longer term love depends on different chemicals that mostly have to do with companionship among other things.
Knowledge really is power. Just a single bit of information can open up worlds of possibilities and if you learn the right information it can instantly generate solutions for otherwise hopeless situations. The above information may not seem that significant, but it can actually be used to formulate methods for breaking away from this addiction and regain control and composure over one's life. Some of what I'm going to suggest here is probably already known to an extent because people have figured it out on their own through direct experience without knowing the science behind it. But not everyone is going to have the luck of finding this stuff out on their own and now we can give an explanation for why those things work and how to more effectively implement them. As well hopefully some of this will be new, but either way I can guarantee that if you implement these methods you will find yourself rising above your obsession of that super special dame in no time. So listen up.
The main point to all of these methods will be to generate as many new experiences, connections, and dopamine releases as possible. We're battling with brain wiring here, the only real way to do that is to "override" and "wash away" what has already been established. We are attempting to erase and replace the connection we have with this person and this can be done without having to actually attach to something else just as much as the thing(person) we're trying to detach from. So without further waiting, let's get to it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1.Give It Time
You've probably already heard this bit of advice but it really does help. Obviously the whole point to "time" is the longer you wait the more there is of it. Perception-wise the intensity of your connection with this person will wane as it gets burried under the perspective of just how small it is compared to the totality of your life and the totality of the time that succeeds the time you interacted with that person. So rack up time and distance yourself from that person and what they mean, temporally.
2.Stop Thinking About Them
I know... easier said than done right? But you must try your best not to think about them, what they mean to you, why you miss them, etc. Try to distract yourself as much as possible, try to pull yourself away from such thoughts as much as possible, resist as much as possible. The more you think about them the more they remain in your perception, the more you are creating something that is still actually "there" in the absence of the person. In fact the more you indulge in thoughts about them, the more you're going to generate dopamine release and experience surrounding them and the idea of them. This is why it's possible for a person to fall in love with the idea of a person more than the actual person, because you are literally becoming addicted to the idea just as you would become addicted to the actual person. So just don't, fight the thoughts. Even if it seems impossible just try your best. Trying and failing is still better than not trying at all, and this goes for all of the advice said in this "tutorial".
2a.Think About Anything Else
Try and focus on thinking about completely unrelated pleasant memories, reminisce about other things in your life that you regard fondly. Allowing yourself to sort of "fall in love" more with the rest of your life instead of this 1 thing, this 1 person, this 1 portion of memories and experiences in your life.
3.Go For Walks
Basic shit right? But it helps a lot. When you're traveling around outside and you explore in general you are creating an influx of new information and experiences as well dopamine release. Plus it's relaxing, healthy, enjoyable, and a completely natural source that humans have depended on a lot before they started lazily sitting on their asses inside avoiding the shine of daylight. It may not seem like it would do much, particularly earlier on it may not seem like it's doing anything at all. You might be walking and still constantly thinking about that person, it may demotivate you and make you not want to follow through but I re-assure you it DOES work and I ask you to fight it and try to push through with it. Go for walks. The more you do this, the longer the walks are and the more frequent they are, the more experience you are undergoing and the more information you are processing and the more natural and constant stimuli for triggering dopamine release. The more you do this, the more you will burry your infatuation and focus on that special someone under an increasingly large basic memory and experience as well a constant source of dopamine release from an influx of stimuli. You WILL start to feel it working as time goes on, so just, do it.
4.Socialize
Another one that has probably been heard before and probably the one that makes the most sense. Since this is exactly what got you into the mess you are in, in the first place. You met someone, socially interacted with them, and formed an addiction to them because of said interaction. So obviously interacting with other people besides the person you're addicted to, will help generate new dopamine releases of the same nature with other people that aren't your muse. This doesn't mean you are trying to fall in love with someone else, though it does explain why falling in love with someone else does work to move on from the previous subject of attachment and why some people do develop a tendency to do such a thing. But just in general even when we are just talking about interacting with friends and family. When we enjoy their time and company, we are feeding off the same thing that causes romantic love to develop. We can wash away our hardwired connection to the person by indulging in more experiences and interactions involving other people and basically by connecting with other people more. Even if you're more reclusive/alone, try to reach out and meet new people. Maybe not even necessarily becoming too attached by finding a place where you can have casual interactions with other people on the fly without ever really developing any sort of long term contact. Such as going to a bar and talking to the people there, etc.
5.Indulge
Indulge in everyday things that are stimulating to the senses and to the brain in general. Eating food, watching shows, playing video games, browsing the web, learning new things, etc. The more stimulation, the more potential dopamine release, particularly the kind of stimulation involved with the senses. When you taste "delicious" food for instance your brain produces dopamine, this is part of what makes food "delicious" in the first place. Because your brain releases dopamine in response to the stimuli of tasting food, it literally becomes /pleasurable/ to the person. This is why there is that shtick about heartbroken girls having the trend of eating tubs of chocolate ice cream. Because they are indulging in the dopamine release involved with consuming chocolate ice cream in order to drown out the withdrawals of love.
5a.Indulge in Media
Media is peculiar because it can be used to simulate a lot of experiences and things that we deal with in real life. Quite literally it is used for training purposes in military for things like combat, flight(and skills in general), etc. As well if you delve more into the romance/social oriented side of media you can simulate experiences involved with connecting with other people. Because you can watch fictional characters develop such connections themselves, and the like. This is a good way for indulging in social experiences without actually interacting with other people. So if you're more reclusive/alone like previously mentioned, this may be somewhat of an alternative. I can personally attest that as I have been struggling to get over my strongest attachment thus far, watching One Piece which is one of my favorite animes has been instrumental. It's a relatively long series clocking up to 900+ episodes. Usually when series run on longer they tend to rely a lot on the characters developing connections between each other and the experiences said characters go through together. In the case of One Piece, the cheesy focus on friendship and trust in one another really hit home and really helped me connect with the characters and forget about my connection with the subject of my attachment. Basically use fictional worlds, fictional characters, etc to generate new experiences and connections. It might seem crazy to replace an actual real person with fiction but it does in fact go a long way especially when combined with the other methods presented in this tutorial.
5b.Indulge in Music
Listen, Sing, Dance. The more you get into it the more emotionally and mentally stimulating the experience will be. This can be a really good way to forget everything else and zone out into passionate embrace. It may only be temporary but creates a lot of distraction from everything else over the long haul.
6.Physically Exercise
It's been scientifically proven that physical exercise causes a production of chemicals involved with Neurogenesis, which is the generation of new neurons and connections in the brain. This is more specifically true for muscle building oriented exercises. It's not so much true for Cardio, but even Cardio will help with bloodflow to the brain and make everything run in optimal shape. In regards to Neurogenesis, this is why exercise is also an effective CURE for clinical depression as it helps combat the brain atrophy involved in the development of long term and severe symptoms. Plus testosterone among other chemicals released help motivate a person, physical exercise can really uplift one's mood in a very immediate way. It also helps with self esteem related issues involving physical fitness and appearance. Confidence is really instrumental in trying to rise above ANYTHING. So all around this is a really beneficial thing for trying to get over lost love.
7.Accomplish
Something that goes a long way is just making progress in your life in any way. Develop new skills and improve in whatever skills you have. Try to make goals for yourself and work towards making those goals reality. Help others with their needs and goals as well. You're trying to move on /in life/ from this person. So any progress you make in moving forward, over the long term, will help you establish a life that "transcends" the life you had involving the person you're stuck on. It will increasingly render whatever you had with them trivial in the grand scheme.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is probably plenty of stuff I haven't thought of and again a lot of this is stuff that is already known. But with these basic instructions you should have everything you need in order to detox yourself from love. It does work. Implement these and you will hopefully purge this affliction from your system. May you break free from the animal shackles of human nature, and set ablaze an intelligently and rationally forged path of self determination, my brothers and sisters.
So you've found yourself stuck on that dame that is oh so special and different and you just can't forget about? Don't worry my friend, for there IS hope. Recently scientists have been making a lot of strides in understanding the brain thanks to neuroscience and also just thanks to extensive research into the brain and how it reacts to certain stimuli, etc. Among the many things we've come to understand, the most telling is what we've found in regards to Love, the "strongest force" in human nature and the cause of mass obsession of each other. For the longest time humans have had to find the answers to this subject on their own, naturally, by trial and error. But now we've revealed some basic things that finally shed light on this maddening force, and bring sense to something that has escaped comprehensibility for the longest time. So what have we found out?
What scientists have found is that love is quite literally an addiction. In essence it is a chemical dependency. Earlier more infatuation based love involves 2 chemicals, but only 1 of these is really relevant to the goal of this "tutorial". Which is Dopamine, the strongest pleasure reward chemical in the brain. This chemical is the most used for "rewarding" particular behaviors, in order to further instill them. In the case of Love what happens is that the other person causes a lot of Dopamine release for many reasons(depends on each individual case). Interacting with this person is pleasurable for whatever reasons and the more you interact with them the more your brain wires itself to EXPECT a dopamine release from them. This is why when we deal with heart break and separation from this person, we seem to have a really bad time. Because we are denied the Dopamine release our brain is expecting. This results in what is recognizable as actual withdrawals just like with any other addiction. Longer term love depends on different chemicals that mostly have to do with companionship among other things.
Knowledge really is power. Just a single bit of information can open up worlds of possibilities and if you learn the right information it can instantly generate solutions for otherwise hopeless situations. The above information may not seem that significant, but it can actually be used to formulate methods for breaking away from this addiction and regain control and composure over one's life. Some of what I'm going to suggest here is probably already known to an extent because people have figured it out on their own through direct experience without knowing the science behind it. But not everyone is going to have the luck of finding this stuff out on their own and now we can give an explanation for why those things work and how to more effectively implement them. As well hopefully some of this will be new, but either way I can guarantee that if you implement these methods you will find yourself rising above your obsession of that super special dame in no time. So listen up.
The main point to all of these methods will be to generate as many new experiences, connections, and dopamine releases as possible. We're battling with brain wiring here, the only real way to do that is to "override" and "wash away" what has already been established. We are attempting to erase and replace the connection we have with this person and this can be done without having to actually attach to something else just as much as the thing(person) we're trying to detach from. So without further waiting, let's get to it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1.Give It Time
You've probably already heard this bit of advice but it really does help. Obviously the whole point to "time" is the longer you wait the more there is of it. Perception-wise the intensity of your connection with this person will wane as it gets burried under the perspective of just how small it is compared to the totality of your life and the totality of the time that succeeds the time you interacted with that person. So rack up time and distance yourself from that person and what they mean, temporally.
2.Stop Thinking About Them
I know... easier said than done right? But you must try your best not to think about them, what they mean to you, why you miss them, etc. Try to distract yourself as much as possible, try to pull yourself away from such thoughts as much as possible, resist as much as possible. The more you think about them the more they remain in your perception, the more you are creating something that is still actually "there" in the absence of the person. In fact the more you indulge in thoughts about them, the more you're going to generate dopamine release and experience surrounding them and the idea of them. This is why it's possible for a person to fall in love with the idea of a person more than the actual person, because you are literally becoming addicted to the idea just as you would become addicted to the actual person. So just don't, fight the thoughts. Even if it seems impossible just try your best. Trying and failing is still better than not trying at all, and this goes for all of the advice said in this "tutorial".
2a.Think About Anything Else
Try and focus on thinking about completely unrelated pleasant memories, reminisce about other things in your life that you regard fondly. Allowing yourself to sort of "fall in love" more with the rest of your life instead of this 1 thing, this 1 person, this 1 portion of memories and experiences in your life.
3.Go For Walks
Basic shit right? But it helps a lot. When you're traveling around outside and you explore in general you are creating an influx of new information and experiences as well dopamine release. Plus it's relaxing, healthy, enjoyable, and a completely natural source that humans have depended on a lot before they started lazily sitting on their asses inside avoiding the shine of daylight. It may not seem like it would do much, particularly earlier on it may not seem like it's doing anything at all. You might be walking and still constantly thinking about that person, it may demotivate you and make you not want to follow through but I re-assure you it DOES work and I ask you to fight it and try to push through with it. Go for walks. The more you do this, the longer the walks are and the more frequent they are, the more experience you are undergoing and the more information you are processing and the more natural and constant stimuli for triggering dopamine release. The more you do this, the more you will burry your infatuation and focus on that special someone under an increasingly large basic memory and experience as well a constant source of dopamine release from an influx of stimuli. You WILL start to feel it working as time goes on, so just, do it.
4.Socialize
Another one that has probably been heard before and probably the one that makes the most sense. Since this is exactly what got you into the mess you are in, in the first place. You met someone, socially interacted with them, and formed an addiction to them because of said interaction. So obviously interacting with other people besides the person you're addicted to, will help generate new dopamine releases of the same nature with other people that aren't your muse. This doesn't mean you are trying to fall in love with someone else, though it does explain why falling in love with someone else does work to move on from the previous subject of attachment and why some people do develop a tendency to do such a thing. But just in general even when we are just talking about interacting with friends and family. When we enjoy their time and company, we are feeding off the same thing that causes romantic love to develop. We can wash away our hardwired connection to the person by indulging in more experiences and interactions involving other people and basically by connecting with other people more. Even if you're more reclusive/alone, try to reach out and meet new people. Maybe not even necessarily becoming too attached by finding a place where you can have casual interactions with other people on the fly without ever really developing any sort of long term contact. Such as going to a bar and talking to the people there, etc.
5.Indulge
Indulge in everyday things that are stimulating to the senses and to the brain in general. Eating food, watching shows, playing video games, browsing the web, learning new things, etc. The more stimulation, the more potential dopamine release, particularly the kind of stimulation involved with the senses. When you taste "delicious" food for instance your brain produces dopamine, this is part of what makes food "delicious" in the first place. Because your brain releases dopamine in response to the stimuli of tasting food, it literally becomes /pleasurable/ to the person. This is why there is that shtick about heartbroken girls having the trend of eating tubs of chocolate ice cream. Because they are indulging in the dopamine release involved with consuming chocolate ice cream in order to drown out the withdrawals of love.
5a.Indulge in Media
Media is peculiar because it can be used to simulate a lot of experiences and things that we deal with in real life. Quite literally it is used for training purposes in military for things like combat, flight(and skills in general), etc. As well if you delve more into the romance/social oriented side of media you can simulate experiences involved with connecting with other people. Because you can watch fictional characters develop such connections themselves, and the like. This is a good way for indulging in social experiences without actually interacting with other people. So if you're more reclusive/alone like previously mentioned, this may be somewhat of an alternative. I can personally attest that as I have been struggling to get over my strongest attachment thus far, watching One Piece which is one of my favorite animes has been instrumental. It's a relatively long series clocking up to 900+ episodes. Usually when series run on longer they tend to rely a lot on the characters developing connections between each other and the experiences said characters go through together. In the case of One Piece, the cheesy focus on friendship and trust in one another really hit home and really helped me connect with the characters and forget about my connection with the subject of my attachment. Basically use fictional worlds, fictional characters, etc to generate new experiences and connections. It might seem crazy to replace an actual real person with fiction but it does in fact go a long way especially when combined with the other methods presented in this tutorial.
5b.Indulge in Music
Listen, Sing, Dance. The more you get into it the more emotionally and mentally stimulating the experience will be. This can be a really good way to forget everything else and zone out into passionate embrace. It may only be temporary but creates a lot of distraction from everything else over the long haul.
6.Physically Exercise
It's been scientifically proven that physical exercise causes a production of chemicals involved with Neurogenesis, which is the generation of new neurons and connections in the brain. This is more specifically true for muscle building oriented exercises. It's not so much true for Cardio, but even Cardio will help with bloodflow to the brain and make everything run in optimal shape. In regards to Neurogenesis, this is why exercise is also an effective CURE for clinical depression as it helps combat the brain atrophy involved in the development of long term and severe symptoms. Plus testosterone among other chemicals released help motivate a person, physical exercise can really uplift one's mood in a very immediate way. It also helps with self esteem related issues involving physical fitness and appearance. Confidence is really instrumental in trying to rise above ANYTHING. So all around this is a really beneficial thing for trying to get over lost love.
7.Accomplish
Something that goes a long way is just making progress in your life in any way. Develop new skills and improve in whatever skills you have. Try to make goals for yourself and work towards making those goals reality. Help others with their needs and goals as well. You're trying to move on /in life/ from this person. So any progress you make in moving forward, over the long term, will help you establish a life that "transcends" the life you had involving the person you're stuck on. It will increasingly render whatever you had with them trivial in the grand scheme.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is probably plenty of stuff I haven't thought of and again a lot of this is stuff that is already known. But with these basic instructions you should have everything you need in order to detox yourself from love. It does work. Implement these and you will hopefully purge this affliction from your system. May you break free from the animal shackles of human nature, and set ablaze an intelligently and rationally forged path of self determination, my brothers and sisters.
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Join date : 2015-12-07
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The Call of Serendipity :: Peace Peace :: "Because the needs of the one... outweigh the needs of the many." - Kirk, Star Trek
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